Seven fear facts no one told you.

You have probably had one of those moments where you imagine something so cool and the next minute you are like “no way what if it doesn’t happen?”, “no I’d rather remain this way.” The same brain that helps us have colorful imaginations, tries to talk you out of it. When the cause of you not doing something is fear you could be missing out on a lot of things. The following things could be (or are actually happening) to your life.

Fear keeps you stuck

You probably want to quit that draining job to do something that will actually serve your purpose the most. You don’t stop complaining about the job and you still keep doing it. This doesn’t mean that everything you complain about should be left but if what you do serves your inner purpose, then why complain? Some of us prefer a familiar kind of pain than a new you’d rather complain about your job, friend or life, than actually doing something about it


Fear prevents you from giving and receiving too.

As we interact with people, we exchange a lot of ideas and help each other through. Fear of separation, rejection, abandonment and loss of connectedness keeps one from investing and being invested would rather remain boxed up in his / her own world than risking being rejected or abandoned Although it is nice when gestures of love are returned, true love is one-way traffic.  It’s a pure flow of giving and expecting nothing in return.  Anything else is a contract.  Notice how whenever you allow love to flow you are always clear, calm and strong.  It is only when the thought arises, “What have they given me in return?” that there is confusion and resentment.  Ego transacts, love transforms.  Life is too short for all these meticulous contracts and transactions. Look out for yourself by focusing your love in a direction that feels right to you, but once you decide to love, remain clear, remain bright, and remain strong.  Love without expectation.  Don’t let fear get in your way.  When the love you give is true, the people worthy of your love will gradually reveal themselves over time


Fear prevents you from being your best and following your true path.

One out of 500 people actually live and serve their purpose in the US. Don’t be fooled by what others say, especially when they try to tell you what is right for you.  Listen and then draw your own conclusions.  What is your intuition telling you? There is not a clear path that everyone should follow.  Your greatest fear should not be of failure, but of succeeding in life at all the wrong things.  Choose a path that fits YOU.  Those who follow the crowd usually get lost in it.  Challenge yourself to ask with each and every step, and each focus point that consumes your energy: “Does this thing I’m doing right now truly serve me and those I care about in the next few minutes, few months, and few years?”

Whatever you settle on, just make sure you don’t gain the whole world by losing your soul and purpose in the process.

Fear diminishes your self-respect.

When you see yourself as less, you are giving room for people to do the same. Don’t be too hard on yourself.  There are plenty of people willing to do that for you.  Do your best and surrender the rest.  Tell yourself, “I am doing the best I can with what I have in this moment.  That is all I can ever expect of anyone, including me.”  Love yourself and be proud of everything you do, even your mistakes, because your mistakes mean you’re trying.

If you feel like others are not treating you with love and respect, check your price tag.  Perhaps you subconsciously marked yourself down.  Because it’s YOU who tells others what your worth by showing them what you are willing to accept for your time and attention.  So get off the clearance rack.  If you don’t value and respect yourself, wholeheartedly, no one else will either.

Fear keeps you from having the right company.

Sadly, no matter how much love you give, some relationships simply aren’t meant to be.  You can try your hardest, you can do everything and say everything, but sometimes people just aren’t worth stressing over anymore, and they aren’t worth worrying about.  It’s important to know when to distance yourself from someone who only hurts you and brings you down.  When you give your love to someone, truly and purely without expectation, and it’s never good enough for them, there’s a good chance you’re giving your love to the wrong person.

The bottom line is that long-term relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and like-minded.  And remember, good relationships are a sacred bond – a circle of trust.  Both parties must be 100% on board.  If and when the time comes to let a relationship go, don’t be hostile.  Simply thank the relationships that don’t work out for you, because they just made room for the ones that will.

Fear prevents you from priceless opportunities and experiences

As Thich Nhat Hanh so perfectly said, “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering.  Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

In many cases you stay stuck in your old routines for no other reason than that they are familiar to you.  In other words, you’re afraid of change and the unknown.  You continually put your dreams and goals off until tomorrow, and you pass on great opportunities simply because they have the potential to lead you out of your comfort zone.

You start using excuses to justify your lack of backbone: “Someday when I have more money,” or “when I’m older,” or the over-abused “I’ll get to it as soon as I have more time.”  This is a vicious cycle that leads to a deeply unsatisfying life – a way of thinking that eventually sends you to your grave with immense regret.  Regret that you didn’t follow your heart.  Regret that you always put everyone else’s needs before your own.  Regret that you didn’t do what you could have done when you had the chance.


Fear keeps you from making concrete decisions

You cannot live your life at the mercy of chance.  You cannot stumble along with a map marked only with the places you fear, or the places you know you don’t want to revisit.  You cannot remain trapped, endlessly, in a state where you are unable to ask for directions, even though you’re terribly lost, because you don’t know your destination.

You have to commit to goals that speak to you.  You have to stand up, look at yourself in the mirror, and say, “It isn’t good enough for me to know only what I DON’T want in life.  I need to decide what I DO want.”

In some ways, fear is a good thing – it keeps us safe and prevents us from doing things that might harm us. It’s fear that keeps us from venturing into dangerous places and from doing things we’re not prepared for. A healthy dose of fear is a wonderful thing to have.

On the other hand, fear can prevent us from doing things that would be great for us – if we could only figure out a way to face and overcome those fears.



The Basic Types of Fear

President Franklin Roosevelt famously asserted,

“The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself.”

I think he was right: Fear of fear probably causes more problems in our lives than fear itself.

Medical experts tell us that the anxious feeling we get when we’re afraid is a standardized biological reaction. It’s pretty much the same set of body signals, whether we’re afraid of getting bitten by a dog, getting turned down for a date, or getting our taxes audited.the thought of loosing someone or something you have had your whole life (or since you were 10) is a nightmare .yet we go through that all the time .fear like other emotions is basically gives us knowledge and understanding on our physical and biological status.there are five basic fears from which all our fears arise from. Once you have learnt these you can then relate to all your fears.

  1. Extinction—the fear of ceasing to exist. This is a more fundamental way to express it than just calling it “fear of death.” The idea of no longer being arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.
  2. Mutilation—the fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body’s boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. Anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.
  3. Loss of Autonomy—the fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or otherwise controlled by circumstances beyond our control. In physical form, it’s commonly known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to our social interactions and relationships.
  4. Separation—the fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness; of becoming a non-person—not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The “silent treatment,” when imposed by a group, can have a devastating psychological effect on its target.
  5. Ego-death—the fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the Self; the fear of the shattering or disintegration of one’s constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.

Think about the various common labels we put on our fears. Start with the easy ones: fear of heights or falling is basically the fear of extinction (possibly accompanied by significant mutilation, but that’s sort of secondary). Fear of failure? Read it as fear of ego-death. Fear of rejection? That’s fear of separation, and probably also fear of ego-death. The terror many people have at the idea of having to speak in public is basically fear of ego-death. Fear of intimacy, or “fear of commitment,” is basically fear of losing one’s autonomy.

Some other emotions we know by various popular names are just aliases for these primary fears. If you track them down to their most basic levels, the basic fears show through. Jealousy, for example, is an expression of the fear of separation, or devaluation: “She’ll value him more than she values me.” At its extreme, it can express the fear of ego-death: “I’ll be a worthless person.” Envy works the same way.

Shame and guilt express the fear of—or the actual condition of—separation and even ego-death. The same is true for embarrassment and humiliation.

Fear is often the base emotion on which anger floats. Oppressed people rage against their oppressors because they fear—or actually experience—loss of autonomy and even ego-death. The destruction of a culture or a religion by an invading occupier may be experienced as a kind of collective ego-death. Those who make us fearful will also make us angry.

Religious  intolerance may express the fear of ego-death on a cosmic level, and can even extend to existential anxiety: “If my god isn’t the right god, or the best god, then I’ll be stuck without a god. Without god on my side, I’ll be at the mercy of the impersonal forces of the environment. My ticket could be canceled at any moment, without a reason.”

Some of our fears, of course, have basic survival value. Others, however, are learned reflexes that can be weakened or re-learned.

That strange idea of “fearing our fears” becomes less strange when we realize that many of our avoidance reactions—turning down an invitation to a party if we tend to be uncomfortable in groups; putting off a doctor’s appointment; or not asking for a raise—are instant reflexes that are reactions to the memories of fear. They happen so quickly that we don’t actually experience the full effect of the fear. We experience a “micro-fear”—a reaction that’s a kind of shorthand code for the real fear. This reflex reaction has the same effect of causing us to evade and avoid as the real fear. This is why it’s fairly accurate to say that many of our so-called fear reactions are actually the fears of fears.

When we let go of our notion of fear as the welling up of evil forces within and begin to see fear and its companion emotions as basically information, we can think about them consciously. And the more clearly and calmly we can articulate the origins of the fear, the less our fears will frighten us and control us.



        I am a high school graduate. I never really struggled with passing exams as a young student till I became a high always seemed like there was always homework to be done, a test to study for and so much crap that didn’t seem to get done on time and good. Till I spoke to one of my teachers and I took his advice.  He told me some things and I learnt more in the I have put together what helped me go through high school and get the grades I wanted to. I am hoping you will find them helpful.

1. Have a positive attitude and participate in class.

Your fellow students want to help you succeed as much as you want to see them succeed. So smile to your colleagues, talk to them like you need to and  be friendly.

Do not just sit. Engage , Ask ,Challenge and be challenged . Be fully present . It is a fraction of your life. It matters

2. Make sacrifices.

I took physics, chemistry, biology and math so my hands were  full most of the time. I had to find time in the middle of the night, early mornings and extended my sleep time and holidays too. I am  going to study Medicine  in university .I know it is going to be very challenging and there are more sacrifices to be made. At the end day It didn’t hurt to look back and say ” hey I hustled really hard and made it.”  If I had not worked hard and sacrificed how I did then I would feel guilty and unaccomplished . Who wants that ?

3. Familiarize yourself and make it a part of your life.

All those atoms, wars, protons, hormones and anatomy isn’t what you really live with in the normal world.Why not connect what you are studying with your life. There is this chemistry formula for finding pH of buffer solution that I couldn’t cram. so I put together a sentence that assisted me very well. I wont tell you because it was super weird.

4. Manage your time properly.

And don’t waste others’ time. Better early than late. If there is anything that takes your time, then be sure to make it wait for you instead. For example, our teachers would call us and keep us waiting for like 30 minutes. So some of us would carry our  summaries and keep reading as we waited. And almost everyone soon adopted the habit.

5. Do it when it’s hot.

Have you ever tried washing a two-week dirty plate? Yes, I get the feeling .so the same goes for school work. if you keep an assignment undone for two weeks or more unless it is a project it then becomes a liability. So try your best and do assignment and homework asap.

How about starting now.

6. Do one thing at time.

yes, just like that. the way to do this is to have a planner. plan ahead  how your day is going to go and include the tiny chores like buying tissue paper and you are most likely not going to just sit there. Know your class time-table and plan your day in accordance with it.

7. Map out your life.
You should have goals. there is no way you are toiling without a goal. Whether it is to get a good GPA or to get to the university of your dreams. Just think of that as a reason for all the toil and you’ll know it is worth it.

8. Find the magic spot and time.

There is that place and time where you just experiment with a lot of places till you find it. For me my spot was the library and I tried as much as I could to carry all my equipment before I left for the library because nothing sucks like finally settling down then remembering you forgot a highlighter. Also you should know what your best time to study is. Is it afternoon, early morning or late at night. This brings us to the next tip.

9. Have the equipment

whether it is a book, a ruler, calculator or anything that you have to make reference from, you should at least know where to get them from. You can check free online websites which you can read or download your study materials.

10. Work on the areas you are weak at.

Studying something you know may be so fun and doing questions you enjoy too. But that won’t step up your grades. you should work on the areas that trouble you and that is the only way you can go from one group of grades to another.



With TWENTIES comes a better skin.  I will soon be moving out of my parents’ house going to university  which of course won’t be permanent .  I have goals. I look at every step I take like a CAB getting me closer to my destination .While my twenties may be the most fun decade, it is also the decade I am going to make big life decisions and a lot of mistakes.

I want my twenties to be the years I get to be defined by what I do.As I have decided to do what I love , fully utilizing all my gifts and abilities . I want to use my twenties to do exactly that. while I still will be in university  but I still will be working on getting close to my goals.

I want my twenties to be the years I move out of my parents’ house. Like seriously who doesn’t want that.

I want my twenties to be the years  I invest a lot. Invest in my time .Start . That means a lot of savings will be made. I haven’t quite figured out what saving plan is going to work for me but I am soon going to get one. I still have a lot to learn about financial management but I know I have to be MINDFUL with my money


I want my twenties to be the years I invest in my heath too. My goal has ALWAYS been to stay fit.Creating a healthy look is MEGA important as it affects my performance too. So healthy eating and exercise are going to be my new buddies.

I want my twenties to be the years I travel a lot. Travelling leaves me speechless and turns me to a story teller. Because of that I will be saving for my trips too. I have always been a travel freak and I my twenties are going to a great way to explore this hobby.

I want my twenties  to be the years I nurture my relationships too. My relationships keep me sane . I am grateful i have shoulders to lean on . My twenties are also going to be a great time to make , remake and unmake bonds with people in my life.

Better things are coming. Send me an email telling me how you picture your 20s to be . Your aspirations and goals.



Recent Entries »