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LIFESTYLE

PORN & MASTURBATION 101

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I googled the effects of Pornography . After I had written “the effects of” , nicotine,heroine and cocaine were among the suggestions.

Google knows that 1 out of 4 internet searches are porn related and it’s here suggesting cocaine. Let’s leave this 19 year old aside.
Before we debate on  whether Pornography watching is right or wrong. Let’s see what Pornography watching and Masturbation have to offer.
1.Relieves sexual tension
This is the basic idea behind the two. Masturbating releases this tension and has kept most young and old people going for long without sex. An avarage man masturbates 4 times a week and it’s the nearly half  for girls.

The numbers are going higher because there is sexual content everywhere these days . The songs are sexual
The movies are extremely sexual
To top that up with social media and the fashion industry

Its hard to not think of it being sorrounded by all these sexual content
Oh even jokes are sexual
2.Disrupts intimacy in a relationship
The basis of any relationship is not sex . Relationships fulfill the human need to belong ,to love and to be loved .it is in this loving that each of the patners offers themselves to the  other partner  in different ways one of them being Sex. And so watching porn changes the way one sees a relationship from a support system to sex alone. Relationships get harder because no one knows what are relationship is without sex. And so one doesn’t reap all the benefits of being in a relationship.

Apart from this the image of other human beings becomes that of lust and sets standards that are unrealistic to real life.This creates a feeling of inadequacy and downlooking to the reality around .

fake orgasm.jpg

  1. May lead to Depression
    Pornography is not usually watched in the cinema.

It is the worst case of addiction because while cocaine and heroin addiction is group / gang bases. A Pornography addiction occurs in the dark and is the hardest to get out of.
This addiction may lead to Depression because whenever we have orgasms , we feel happy because of a chemical in our brain called Dopamine. Now if this was a relationship it means you would grow fonder of the person you are making love to. But in the case of Pornography and Masturbation, this Dopamine makes us grow fonder of Pornography and masturbation . And our brain becomes used to extremely high levels of Dopamine that our normal level seem too low and so we feel low as well.Persistence of these especially if it is a stress reliever may lead to Depression and anxiety.

porn depression

  1. Personal growth
    In the journey of self development, self discipline and love are very essential .This includes learning to focus your energy on REAL relationships and REAL connections . If you are looking to break free from Pornography Addiction, you need to monitor the sexual content you are exposing yourself to, identify patterns that have led you to that addiction and find a healthy solution to them and engage yourself in fruitful social activities. Falling back to the addiction should not be the end of the struggles. You should be determined to rise back again no matter how many times you fall.

 

Resist that Click . Live a meaningful life .

All the best.

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18 Comments

18 Comments

  1. Nalliy

    October 22, 2017 at 2:19 pm

    So nice and educative

  2. chally361

    October 22, 2017 at 3:53 pm

    Educational and relevant. I didnt know it had benefits.He he hee

    • forever_herie

      October 22, 2017 at 5:44 pm

      Pleasure for intimacy,connection and your mental health isn’t the best form of sacrifice.

  3. Cynthia

    October 22, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    Thank you for providing this much needed information. As the wife of a successfully recovering porn addict, I have always found it confusing that masturbation is so infrequently addressed alongside the porn. The two go together. In our marriage, my husband used porn and masturbated daily which left me in a marriage completely void of sex and intimacy for twenty years. While he has not watched porn or masturbated in almost three years, rebuilding a sexual relationship has been challenging. But we are doing it. Freedom is possible!

    • forever_herie

      October 22, 2017 at 5:45 pm

      I am glad I could be of help. All the best in your recovery journey Cynthia.

  4. Arafat kunta

    October 22, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    At least I had something to learn today. Thanks!

  5. Egbert Lucas

    October 22, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Nice article..further observations from dfrnt sources show tht masturbation cause physical weakness and memory problems

  6. Issaya Ipyana

    October 22, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    I ddint know then but i know now thank u for the education your advice is valuable….

  7. jordan mwaijibe

    October 26, 2017 at 12:07 pm

    Good work Herieth…its helpful artic

  8. ALBINUS KAZOBA

    October 28, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    PEOPLE ARE NOT CONCENTRATING ON DEVELOPMENT, ONCE PEOPLE CONCENTRATE ON DEVELOPMENT THEY WILL FOCUS ON WORK AND WILL NEVER HAVE TIME TO DO FILTHY STUFFS.

    MANY YOUTH HAVE “NO FOCUS ON THE FUTURE” SYNDROME. THAT IS WHY THEY ARE A MOST AFFECTED GROUP.

    PYSOCHOSOCIAL TREATMENT IS TO BE DONE.

    THANKS TO TWENTIESCO,( HERIE and your team) your are doing one,

    Youth get transformed today, always everything is targeting you because you are the most energetic and the most active group of human kind, IT IS A MATTER OF YOUR CHOICE.

    CHOOSE GOOD TODAY.

    YOU KNOW, LIFE IS A MATTER OF CHOICE AND LIVING WITH THE CONSEQUENCES OF THE CHOICE YOU MAKE?

  9. camerashootshot

    December 5, 2017 at 1:45 am

    I really appreciate you writing this out. When you search for effects of porn, it seems the articles almost push women to consume porn–even when much of the mainstream porn available is so abusing to women. I am glad to see someone stand up and point out that porn is not OK. I wrote about it a few days in my blog, too. I have very similar thoughts as you did. https://wordpress.com/post/thefemalegaze2017.wordpress.com/116

  10. Robert Ntoko

    February 5, 2018 at 12:10 am

    Thanks for pin pointing this out …Atleast im not alone in this fight against masturbation and pornography.
    Check out my blog!!!
    http://www.discoveryourpotentials.wordpress.com

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ASK TWENTIES

LOSING MY REPUTATION TO AN ADDICTION;LESSONS IN MY TWENTIES

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You know the saying it takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to destroy it, the sad truth about this is it is TRUE.
What if I told you am a doctor well-loved by my patients, have saved lives several times. The first image you will have of me is a well-rounded and respectable man. Well that was me a few years ago. I was the man. I did everything right, straight As, focused, well-mannered. Everyone who knew me wanted to carry me around like a trophy. Currently, I am a recovering alcoholic, I have practically no friends, colleagues barely answer my calls, but it wasn’t always like that, a decade ago.

alcohol addiction in my twenties
One of the most important lessons you will learn in your twenties is we all have our demons. Some it’s an ex who wronged us, others its sex, mine well was alcohol and an ex of course. For most of us, our proper relationships begin at our late teenage years and twenties.

broken relationship depression

I met a lady a few years back and unlike the fairy tales,It did not last. Alcohol was my demon and I turned to it as a coping mechanism. I drank so much when my relationship crumbled, I lost a lot of friends and let family members down.
In one year my reputation changed from a hardworking guy to an alcoholic failure. The thing is bad reputations stick more than good ones, I haven’t touched a drink in more than two years, but I still get labeled as such.

Am turned 30 this year, I feel like my twenties have flown by so fast and, yet I have changed and grown a lot. I have had my share of bad days, weeks and months and am I yet to have more. I am aware that I need to develop my coping skills and speak or deal with what bothers me instead of finding unhealthy and destructive coping mechanisms.

So, here’s my take from it all.
Mistakes are a significant part of our twenties and a better off made NOW. There are less people that might be affected by you deciding to use all your money betting on Croatia for a good number of us.

In your twenties learn to reach out to a falling friend. So many times, we see friends failing and we never say a word. Speaking to our circle of support in times of highs and obviously takes a big load of our minds and theirs too.

friendship in alcohol addiction
Success might take twenty years to achieve, don’t feel outdone. Social media is like a highlight reel of or lives. We are not seeing a great deal of the backstage to which we compare ours with.

Another thing is your reputation will NEVER recover, but its alright. People will give you a second chance, they will support you, but will remind you of your faults,  Accept your faults learn what happened has happened.

So, what should you do? Simple, wear your flaws and do not be ashamed of your struggles. Do not try to convince people your flaws aren’t a part of you. Life gets easier when you are open, it might seem tough, but you will cope.

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ASK TWENTIES

HOW TO APPLY FOR OPPORTUNITIES AND ACTUALLY GET THEM

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If you are one amazing twenti who seeks out opportunities to learn or seek support for something you do , at some point you have to prove your worthiness of what you are applying or contesting for.

(more…)

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LIFESTYLE

HOW TO SPOT YOUR TYPE INSTANTLY

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how to know your type love

What kind of a patner do you want?

We often respond to this question by saying,

kind, self motivated , good looking , supportive and more.

When we however meet such people , we may not want them for us.

Sometimes you come to learn this so much later in a relationship.

how to know your type math maker

This is because the things we mention are usually whats not whos.

They are what the patner is . Not who the patner is.

It is the whos that keep relationships not whats.

And to know who you want , you first should know who you are.

So how do yo know from the begining that this person is your type?
Here are three musts to check

1. CORE ESSENTIALS [things , you cannot tolerate . AT ALL.]
These things instantly tell you who is not for you.

Core essential are red flags that show you that he is against your core values. These are things you cannot trade.

These are not surface things like crooked eyebrows or disorganized teeth.

They are deep things like not being able to stand someone who takes pleasure in the suffering of others or someone who is judgemental and close minded. By knowing these are the things you cant stand, you also realise who you cant stand.

If you go into a relationship you will always feel irritated and mistreated. Because your core values which are who you are, are not harmonised.

2.NON NEGOTIABLES

These are things that actually cause conflicts and even break relationships.
Your opinion on these things is least likely to change over the next years
Both yours and theirs’
These are

Marriage

Kids

Family

Sex

Money

Religion

Marriage
Do you want to get married? how soon?Is the feeling mutual?

Kids
Do you want kids , how many , how soon?
Is he/she thinking the same?

Family
How close are you to you family? Do you like hanging around them too much?
If you are and your patner isn’t one of you will simply need to give in.

Are ready to be the one? Is he/she ready?

Sex
What is your opinion and outlook on sex.
Some want to wait , some do not.

Where do you stand?Are you willing to compromise?

Money
Are you frugal(prefer to save as much money as you can) or generous?( a giver and spender)
If you are all opposites, you may work out but there will be issues and you should all be aware why such issues are arising.

Religion
If your religion is something that is a big part of who you are , then dating/ marrying someone outside your denomination might be as an issue.
Is it a challenge you are willing to face? Are you willing to compromise?

This is a question you should ask yourself for all these things.

If you are willing to compromise , its a green light. If you both aren’t , it is going to be an issue that will arise from time to time.

3.DESIRABLES
These are the whats .

So now you know how we rush to mention the least important things.

They are things like.

I want her to have a big Nyach

I want him to have a car

I want him to be tall

At the core of things like i want her to be independent. Is really I want a woman with whom i can share and not just support.
Its the same when ladies say they want a man with a car. They need a man who is self sufficient.

So it is not the car that they want , it is what brings the car to him & that is ambition and hardwork.

And for the case of Nyach.

Well,That is madness.

That is it twenties . Get to the core of yourselves and have a great time finding & keeping the love of your life.

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