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LIFESTYLE

MY FRIENDS CHANGED ME

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My sister would ask me about my friends from time to time. At that time, I knew she was doing what any other sister would do. But now I think I am getting a bigger picture.

Thank you very much for reading my blog. Please do follow my blog, join my mailing list and & if you like this don’t hesitate to share it with your friends.

As requested by one of the blog readers, today we are going to be discussing the influence of friends on our personal development, actions and beliefs.

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS

LET US TAKE A LOOK AT THESE FEW FACTS ABOUT FRIENDS.

Strong willed friends increase your self-control.

Spending time with disciplined friends may influence you to do stuff you would normally put off due to laziness such as going to the gym or being organized.

People with fewer friends have in adequate social experience.

Now this is self-explanatory,  I can say that each person comes with a different package. Having more friends allows you to experience a vast amount of good experiences. Therefore, fewer friends equals fewer windows (seeing life from a different perspective)

Too many social media connections increase stress levels.

When it comes to social media, “the more the merrier” may not be the best approach. A report from the University of Edinburgh Business School says that more Facebook friends means more stress. Researchers linked an abundance of social media connections to increased anxiety about offending people.

 

The increased stress stemmed from people’s desire to present a version of themselves that was acceptable to all their social media contacts. While your college buddies may enjoy publicly discussing that “weekend in Mbudya,” your parents and co-workers may be less than impressed by those stories. So before you begin adding people to your social circle, remember the potential downside to having too many friends on social media.

HAVING FUN WITH FRIENDS

The closer friends one has the more longevity the person has too. This is because it lowers the risk of diseases by reducing blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol

Friends also influence your choices, beliefs, self-confidence, behavior and emotions.

Beliefs can be changed if they were constantly challenged and if new beliefs were constantly repeated. Lots of my friends had a pessimistic view of the job market before they even had the chance to interact with it. This pessimistic view came from the continues programming they received from their friends in the form of suggestions that are repeated over and over such as “it’s extremely hard to find a job these days”

Friends Alter the perception of each other, if the majority of a group thinks that a person is arrogant or snobbish then this belief will be transferred to the whole group. Since believing that someone is treating you in a bad way might be interpreted as a sign that shows that you are not that worthy then such a belief might affect your self-confidence badly.

An experiment has shown that a monkey that never feared snakes started to fear them when it saw the anxious response of another monkey that feared them! This means that watching someone who is feeling afraid, anxious or helpless could teach you how to be like him.

PEER INFLUENCE

Your friends can infect you with bad emotions: Why do you think you experience different emotions while watching a movie? Simply because the facial expressions of actor’s transfers to you their emotional states and the same happens with your friends. Your sad friend might make you feel sad and your depressed friend can let you become depressed on the long term.

Your likely to start acting like the people you surround yourself with. Pick friends who make poor choices, and you could get dragged down fast. But, if you choose friends who inspire and challenge you to become better, you’ll increase your chances of reaching your goals.

VIOLA DAVIS FRIENDSHIP

Having said that. I think we should ask ourselves are our friends making us better?

Or a less selfish question

Are we making our friends better?

You may not have to change your friends but what you must do is to become conscious of the facts that were mentioned in this article and to filter everything that you hear or see.

 

Don’t accept your friends’ view of the world, their beliefs or their opinions without proper realistic filtration. That would be enough to protect you

What are your thoughts on this . Please leave a comment below and let me know.

Write to you soon

Forever Herie

 

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ASK TWENTIES

LOSING MY REPUTATION TO AN ADDICTION;LESSONS IN MY TWENTIES

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You know the saying it takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to destroy it, the sad truth about this is it is TRUE.
What if I told you am a doctor well-loved by my patients, have saved lives several times. The first image you will have of me is a well-rounded and respectable man. Well that was me a few years ago. I was the man. I did everything right, straight As, focused, well-mannered. Everyone who knew me wanted to carry me around like a trophy. Currently, I am a recovering alcoholic, I have practically no friends, colleagues barely answer my calls, but it wasn’t always like that, a decade ago.

alcohol addiction in my twenties
One of the most important lessons you will learn in your twenties is we all have our demons. Some it’s an ex who wronged us, others its sex, mine well was alcohol and an ex of course. For most of us, our proper relationships begin at our late teenage years and twenties.

broken relationship depression

I met a lady a few years back and unlike the fairy tales,It did not last. Alcohol was my demon and I turned to it as a coping mechanism. I drank so much when my relationship crumbled, I lost a lot of friends and let family members down.
In one year my reputation changed from a hardworking guy to an alcoholic failure. The thing is bad reputations stick more than good ones, I haven’t touched a drink in more than two years, but I still get labeled as such.

Am turned 30 this year, I feel like my twenties have flown by so fast and, yet I have changed and grown a lot. I have had my share of bad days, weeks and months and am I yet to have more. I am aware that I need to develop my coping skills and speak or deal with what bothers me instead of finding unhealthy and destructive coping mechanisms.

So, here’s my take from it all.
Mistakes are a significant part of our twenties and a better off made NOW. There are less people that might be affected by you deciding to use all your money betting on Croatia for a good number of us.

In your twenties learn to reach out to a falling friend. So many times, we see friends failing and we never say a word. Speaking to our circle of support in times of highs and obviously takes a big load of our minds and theirs too.

friendship in alcohol addiction
Success might take twenty years to achieve, don’t feel outdone. Social media is like a highlight reel of or lives. We are not seeing a great deal of the backstage to which we compare ours with.

Another thing is your reputation will NEVER recover, but its alright. People will give you a second chance, they will support you, but will remind you of your faults,  Accept your faults learn what happened has happened.

So, what should you do? Simple, wear your flaws and do not be ashamed of your struggles. Do not try to convince people your flaws aren’t a part of you. Life gets easier when you are open, it might seem tough, but you will cope.

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ASK TWENTIES

HOW TO APPLY FOR OPPORTUNITIES AND ACTUALLY GET THEM

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If you are one amazing twenti who seeks out opportunities to learn or seek support for something you do , at some point you have to prove your worthiness of what you are applying or contesting for.

(more…)

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LIFESTYLE

HOW TO SPOT YOUR TYPE INSTANTLY

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how to know your type love

What kind of a patner do you want?

We often respond to this question by saying,

kind, self motivated , good looking , supportive and more.

When we however meet such people , we may not want them for us.

Sometimes you come to learn this so much later in a relationship.

how to know your type math maker

This is because the things we mention are usually whats not whos.

They are what the patner is . Not who the patner is.

It is the whos that keep relationships not whats.

And to know who you want , you first should know who you are.

So how do yo know from the begining that this person is your type?
Here are three musts to check

1. CORE ESSENTIALS [things , you cannot tolerate . AT ALL.]
These things instantly tell you who is not for you.

Core essential are red flags that show you that he is against your core values. These are things you cannot trade.

These are not surface things like crooked eyebrows or disorganized teeth.

They are deep things like not being able to stand someone who takes pleasure in the suffering of others or someone who is judgemental and close minded. By knowing these are the things you cant stand, you also realise who you cant stand.

If you go into a relationship you will always feel irritated and mistreated. Because your core values which are who you are, are not harmonised.

2.NON NEGOTIABLES

These are things that actually cause conflicts and even break relationships.
Your opinion on these things is least likely to change over the next years
Both yours and theirs’
These are

Marriage

Kids

Family

Sex

Money

Religion

Marriage
Do you want to get married? how soon?Is the feeling mutual?

Kids
Do you want kids , how many , how soon?
Is he/she thinking the same?

Family
How close are you to you family? Do you like hanging around them too much?
If you are and your patner isn’t one of you will simply need to give in.

Are ready to be the one? Is he/she ready?

Sex
What is your opinion and outlook on sex.
Some want to wait , some do not.

Where do you stand?Are you willing to compromise?

Money
Are you frugal(prefer to save as much money as you can) or generous?( a giver and spender)
If you are all opposites, you may work out but there will be issues and you should all be aware why such issues are arising.

Religion
If your religion is something that is a big part of who you are , then dating/ marrying someone outside your denomination might be as an issue.
Is it a challenge you are willing to face? Are you willing to compromise?

This is a question you should ask yourself for all these things.

If you are willing to compromise , its a green light. If you both aren’t , it is going to be an issue that will arise from time to time.

3.DESIRABLES
These are the whats .

So now you know how we rush to mention the least important things.

They are things like.

I want her to have a big Nyach

I want him to have a car

I want him to be tall

At the core of things like i want her to be independent. Is really I want a woman with whom i can share and not just support.
Its the same when ladies say they want a man with a car. They need a man who is self sufficient.

So it is not the car that they want , it is what brings the car to him & that is ambition and hardwork.

And for the case of Nyach.

Well,That is madness.

That is it twenties . Get to the core of yourselves and have a great time finding & keeping the love of your life.

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