What kind of a patner do you want?
We often respond to this question by saying,
kind, self motivated , good looking , supportive and more.
When we however meet such people , we may not want them for us.
Sometimes you come to learn this so much later in a relationship.
This is because the things we mention are usually whats not whos.
They are what the patner is . Not who the patner is.
It is the whos that keep relationships not whats.
And to know who you want , you first should know who you are.
So how do yo know from the begining that this person is your type?
Here are three musts to check
1. CORE ESSENTIALS [things , you cannot tolerate . AT ALL.]
These things instantly tell you who is not for you.
Core essential are red flags that show you that he is against your core values. These are things you cannot trade.
These are not surface things like crooked eyebrows or disorganized teeth.
They are deep things like not being able to stand someone who takes pleasure in the suffering of others or someone who is judgemental and close minded. By knowing these are the things you cant stand, you also realise who you cant stand.
If you go into a relationship you will always feel irritated and mistreated. Because your core values which are who you are, are not harmonised.
These are things that actually cause conflicts and even break relationships.
Your opinion on these things is least likely to change over the next years
Both yours and theirs’
Do you want to get married? how soon?Is the feeling mutual?
Do you want kids , how many , how soon?
Is he/she thinking the same?
How close are you to you family? Do you like hanging around them too much?
If you are and your patner isn’t one of you will simply need to give in.
Are ready to be the one? Is he/she ready?
What is your opinion and outlook on sex.
Some want to wait , some do not.
Where do you stand?Are you willing to compromise?
Are you frugal(prefer to save as much money as you can) or generous?( a giver and spender)
If you are all opposites, you may work out but there will be issues and you should all be aware why such issues are arising.
If your religion is something that is a big part of who you are , then dating/ marrying someone outside your denomination might be as an issue.
Is it a challenge you are willing to face? Are you willing to compromise?
This is a question you should ask yourself for all these things.
If you are willing to compromise , its a green light. If you both aren’t , it is going to be an issue that will arise from time to time.
These are the whats .
So now you know how we rush to mention the least important things.
They are things like.
I want her to have a big Nyach
I want him to have a car
I want him to be tall
At the core of things like i want her to be independent. Is really I want a woman with whom i can share and not just support.
Its the same when ladies say they want a man with a car. They need a man who is self sufficient.
So it is not the car that they want , it is what brings the car to him & that is ambition and hardwork.
And for the case of Nyach.
Well,That is madness.
That is it twenties . Get to the core of yourselves and have a great time finding & keeping the love of your life.