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RELATIONSHIPS

HOW TO HAVE RELATIONSHIP BUILDING CONVERSATIONS

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Written by

Irene Denis ( bahatidenis@outlook.com)

We try so much to make things work. We try so hard to know people and in the process they only tell us what they want us to know, and we miss out the tiny but very important details. We miss out details that we would have noticed if we took the time to notice rather than letting things be presented to us on a silver plate. A matter can be presented as white or black, shades of whatever color are non existent! The twentieth century has evolved and twisted everything. Meetings are held on the phone, plans and schedules are made in the phone, sermons are sent through social networks, people meet and actually date via social media. As if this is not enough to make my my great grandmother faint in shock (May her soul rest in peace) people actually get married through the internet!! I repeat myself, people nowadays creat an imaginary scene where they walk down the aisle and make their vows!!! (Lets all please have a moment of silence to ponder a while upon this….)

Sincerely speaking, i am no guru at this, but i think somethings were meant to be done at some place. But anyways, back to my point, people tend to make every conversation a Q n A session and sometimes a simple conversation may become an interrogation!

People just ask a lot of questions that other people have no honest answers for. If you want to know a persons true character or intention, it would be best to take some time getting to know them and let things unfold slowly, naturally. Not to mean that you shouldn’t ask any questions if you are interested in knowing something about them. Asking will help you align the person in the direction of what you would like to know in a smart and careful way. Turning a conversation into an interrogation session only allows you to hear what someone wants you to hear and not the complete truth.

You do not have to talk  to someone about a very complex topic like politics or what their future plans are to get to know them. A simple topic such as the weather of that particular day, their hobbies or what they like to do in their free time may bring out a lot in a person than a questionnaire you prepared for them.

As the pyramid of knowledge is built, the easy things come first and as you move up, the complex things follow. By then, they wouldn’t seem complex because the base that covered the easy staff was well laid.

I would like to relate this in cases where one is building a relationship that will later result into a fruitful marriage. Making choices such as the kind of house or car you would like, the number of children you would like to have, the schools they will go to, and your daily budget will come easy if you paid attention to the little details at the beginning of your relationship. The little but basic things matter a lot. A persons favorite color, hobbies, birth date, favorite food, sleeping or waking time. They may sound irrelevant, but your understanding towards these things is what will make your future better and easier to build.

It is my hope that we will look forward to have meaningful conversations, that will bring to surface our true selves, and allow us to accept each other for who we truly are. A castle would have never been a castle if it wasn’t for the first brick that was laid as a foundation. Every great relationship owes its foundation to the simple but basic things in life. I hope yours will do too, someday soon.

Irene

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2 Comments

2 Comments

  1. nickyrabit

    October 18, 2017 at 10:06 am

    This…This is so good . You are so correct. The thing abut asking interview like questions… For a subject too broad like religion and put someone in a black or white spectrum. This article really spoke tome .thanks for writting it

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LIFESTYLE

HOW TO SPOT YOUR TYPE INSTANTLY

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how to know your type love

What kind of a patner do you want?

We often respond to this question by saying,

kind, self motivated , good looking , supportive and more.

When we however meet such people , we may not want them for us.

Sometimes you come to learn this so much later in a relationship.

how to know your type math maker

This is because the things we mention are usually whats not whos.

They are what the patner is . Not who the patner is.

It is the whos that keep relationships not whats.

And to know who you want , you first should know who you are.

So how do yo know from the begining that this person is your type?
Here are three musts to check

1. CORE ESSENTIALS [things , you cannot tolerate . AT ALL.]
These things instantly tell you who is not for you.

Core essential are red flags that show you that he is against your core values. These are things you cannot trade.

These are not surface things like crooked eyebrows or disorganized teeth.

They are deep things like not being able to stand someone who takes pleasure in the suffering of others or someone who is judgemental and close minded. By knowing these are the things you cant stand, you also realise who you cant stand.

If you go into a relationship you will always feel irritated and mistreated. Because your core values which are who you are, are not harmonised.

2.NON NEGOTIABLES

These are things that actually cause conflicts and even break relationships.
Your opinion on these things is least likely to change over the next years
Both yours and theirs’
These are

Marriage

Kids

Family

Sex

Money

Religion

Marriage
Do you want to get married? how soon?Is the feeling mutual?

Kids
Do you want kids , how many , how soon?
Is he/she thinking the same?

Family
How close are you to you family? Do you like hanging around them too much?
If you are and your patner isn’t one of you will simply need to give in.

Are ready to be the one? Is he/she ready?

Sex
What is your opinion and outlook on sex.
Some want to wait , some do not.

Where do you stand?Are you willing to compromise?

Money
Are you frugal(prefer to save as much money as you can) or generous?( a giver and spender)
If you are all opposites, you may work out but there will be issues and you should all be aware why such issues are arising.

Religion
If your religion is something that is a big part of who you are , then dating/ marrying someone outside your denomination might be as an issue.
Is it a challenge you are willing to face? Are you willing to compromise?

This is a question you should ask yourself for all these things.

If you are willing to compromise , its a green light. If you both aren’t , it is going to be an issue that will arise from time to time.

3.DESIRABLES
These are the whats .

So now you know how we rush to mention the least important things.

They are things like.

I want her to have a big Nyach

I want him to have a car

I want him to be tall

At the core of things like i want her to be independent. Is really I want a woman with whom i can share and not just support.
Its the same when ladies say they want a man with a car. They need a man who is self sufficient.

So it is not the car that they want , it is what brings the car to him & that is ambition and hardwork.

And for the case of Nyach.

Well,That is madness.

That is it twenties . Get to the core of yourselves and have a great time finding & keeping the love of your life.

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RELATIONSHIPS

Relatinship tips: 5 Things Everyone Needs in A Partner

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Relatinship tips: 5 Things Everyone Needs in A Partner

Why do most relationships feel like fire at first and become so cold and blunt eventually?

They say soup tastes better when served hot, so should relationships end when the fire dies? And what can you do to reignite the fire?

Most of people agree that they lose interest in their crushes as soon as they get together. Many lack the drive to go on with a relationship and eventually end in a break up. 

Here is a post cracking the mystery of this

Love is just a feeling mediated by chemicals released into the blood system to make your body go haywire. When a relationship is new, the levels of such chemical are literally touching the sky.

The same chemicals are released when you see your crush and also responsible for blushing.

Love is just like a reaction between a matchstick and the match. Now, to keep the candle burning

There are 5 things to check before getting deciding to be with someone

Find someone with these things and you will have the world at your feet, stars shining for you, birds singing for you, butterflies in the stomach and all of the myths about love stuffs will be a reality to you.

  1. You must be sexually attracted to them

If you can’t find your partner sexually attractive you will not be able to build a trustful relationship. The heat must be there.

How do you know if you have this: you get turned on by them with relative ease. You must think in any way that part of their physical aspect is attractive to you. It could be height/skin tone/dressing codes/eyes/lips/hair. A wise man once said “genitals don’t lie”.

Alert: if this is missing, you become lovers friends.

  1. Friendship compatibility (personality compatibility)

You need someone who won’t find you weird around them. You need someone you can easily talk /laugh with/joke/flirt , someone you enjoy their company.

How do you know if you have this: you don’t use a lot of energy to say hi! Things come automatically or with relative ease.

Alert: if this is missing you will always find one annoying.

  1. You must have things in common.

You must have non contrasting opinions on sensitive issues like religion/politics/sexuality and stuffs like that.

Also Read:>> HOW TO SPOT YOUR TYPE INSTANTLY

You need someone you agree in many things than you disagree. These will bind you together more than anything. Being fans of the same football team or having same taste in music is more romantic than anything because they connect you physically and emotionally to a way another level than romance and sex.

  1. They must be your intellectual equal

This doesn’t mean if you are a top ten student you should date a top ten student, No. Intelligence can be defined from many different angles. It could be interpersonal skills or creativity. It doesn’t have to be the same kind of intelligence. You need someone who can challenge you and push you to grow into a better version of yourself.

How do you know if this is missing: if you lack intellectual stimulation, then you will feel bored and unchallenged. You might even gradually lose respect for them because you don’t feel like you are with your equal.

  1. Willingness to commit

This is the most sensitive and needs to be understood clearly. It is a common knowledge that most men/boys are afraid to commit as compared to the opposite side. So when establishing any relationship whether it’s casual or a serious one, you need to make it very clear earlier to avoid being seen clingy and emotionally threaten your partner.

How do you know if you are too clingy: you text constantly/you get nervous when there is no answer/you follow him or her around/you stalk/you don’t trust him or her/you are moving too fast.

So if you are a commitment person, get a person who is ready to commit. Otherwise you will get emotionally tortured.

Can You Make It Work If You Don’t Have Any Three Of These Traits?

Of course. You can make almost any relationship work. It’s a matter of whether or not you want to and what your core values are.

If sex isn’t a huge part of your life, you don’t have to agree with the first point.

The important thing is to connect. So, if you find your own way of connecting and find passion in it, that’s unique and way more romantic.

I hope that this article gets you somewhere in your love life.

Dedicated to your success,

Twentiesco

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LIFESTYLE

LAST MINUTE VALENTINE GIFT IDEAS THAT DON’T LOOK DESPERATE

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Merhaba,
If you are anything like me and spend months thinking of the perfect gift for your people and sometimes it hits you that you have very few hours left, here are gift ideas for this years Valentines day both last minute and early.
0.YOU
Seriously what’s better than being present. Like actually present?

Check our fun date ideas

1.Cooking utensils.
If you know someone with a cooking hobby .. Then you should definitely consider gifting them with some kitchen appliances and supplies.
Now i know every hobbist..has something they want to enjoy more..
Perhaps its more jars of spices
New sports shoes
Sketching pencils
Fabric
A music player
Sport gloves
A computer package subscription
And so on

2. Workout outfits and equipment.

I know people who are workout aholics and would enjoy nothing more than a new equipment.
Or some who are just getting into it and would love some equipments.
We love this lon

g resistance bands from Boosta on Instagram.

3.Home repair tools.

One of the hardest people to find gifts for are men

Instead of gifting them with ties and watches every year . Consider getting them some equipment to assist them in manly duties like fixing stuff.. Because there is always something to be fixed around the house.

And a bottle of wine or shampagne please 🙂
5.Manicure and Pedicure kit.
If you do your own manicure and pedicure.. You probably know that excitement of getting a new nail polish . If you didn’t, now you do.
Thank us later. Get your mom/girlfriend/sister/any female some nail polish and nail care thangs.
We love Lavy Nail polish. And if they don’t do theirown manicure and pedicure then we suggest Lavy mobile clinic.
6. Self care Kit.
Because self care is lit. Some body scrub, body brush, cleanser, lotion and cologne.

Other suggestions

7.Jewelery.
8.Cooked food
Recipes from Olivia

z pot

Cooking classes and food services

9.Decorations
10.Potted plants
11.A Book(s)
12. An item of their craft or yours.
What do you think?
What are other gifts that you can give someone pretty much in the last minute,share your thoughts in the comments and we’d love to hear what you have in mind

Here are some guides on what to do for valentines day

Fun Date ideas

Types of love languages

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